A. “Would like a glass of wine?
No thank you, I’ll have some water or an orange juice if you have some.

B. “A glass of wine maybe?
Huh no, I don’t drink anymore.
You don’t? Since when? You’re kidding me?
No I just don’t. Anymore.
But why not? Come on I know you love your wine.
Really no, I’ll like a coke if that’s ok.
You’re acting weird but if you insist…

C.”Red or white?
(Should I say no, I don’t drink anymore?? Then they’ll ask me why and I’ll have to tell them the whole story… rehab, meetings, been sober for only a couple of weeks.. oh well) Ok, just one please (it won’t kill me).

I chose alcohol as it was first thing that came to my mind.

It is not easy being in early recovery. Trying to avoid the occasional parties, the happy hours after work, the family meals, the partner who’s still drinking and above all the comments from people who think they’re being kind/smart/cool/nice by insisting on offering a glass of alcool.. (this applies to all addictions I think).

People like Robin who have been in recovery for more than twenty years find it easy after such a long time to say a simple no and not have to think about what will come next. He’ll gladly say I haven’t had a glass since I was 23 (he is 46 now 😉 if asked about his refusal even joke about it.
A couple of years ago we were randomly stopped by a police car somewhere in Dover, the police officer asked him if he had had something to drink and he laughed answering that the last time he had a glass of alcohol was 18 years ago. The man said good for you with a smile.
I do feel for people, our ex patients, in early recovery., our ex patients, in early recovery. The pressure they have to endure must be unbearable. It is not surprising that some of them do relapse within a year of leaving treatment. I wish non-addicts or their friends and family members who are still drinking and don’t have a problem with that would just try to be sympathetic and just not insist when they say no when they are first asked if they want whatever it is they’re offering.

I remember when I first got pregnant, Robin bought me a book about pregnancy, to which I actually said what the hell?? Do I need a book to know that there is someone growing in my belly, that I’ll soon have the London tube map all over me, that my ankle will look like Bibendum’s right arm and that my face will near the end look like a battered football?? I only read the first line of the first chapter and that’s it. It said something along the line of, “When women are expecting their first child, the most common thing they all do is assessing their friendships and consequently getting rid of plenty of so called friends..” Yes something like that. I did do this!
Being in early recovery is the same. It does not come naturally but eventually addicts realise that they have to stop old habits if they don’t want to relapse. Old habits involve friends, stopping “good times”, the way they think and react etc… Tough, tough, tough, but worth it.

Now people, if someone says no when we’re offering a glass of alcohol, a piece of cake, a game of poker, a cigarette etc… we should try not to insist! Above all if it is someone we realise would have normally said yes to one of these things.
Listen to the shy no…

Not easy…